Chatting shit...

What is the technical term for a 'mid-life crisis' when your nineteen years of age?

An 'Initial-life crisis'?

Emotions?

"A strong feeling such as love or anger, or strong feelings in general"-Cambridge Dictionary Definition.

Emotions are most commonly followed by an action and the degree of that said 'action' is distinguished by the characteristics of the person in question. Emotions seem to differ from person to person with each individual person, creating their own spin or uniqueness to it. This can be observed simply by watching those around you whilst you go about your life. For example, everyone has a different facial expression or a different 'spin' on a emotion when saying "thank you" after purchasing an item or receiving your long awaited meal at a restaurant.

I sometimes find it hard to choose the right way to express my feelings. Which can over complicate life. At these times I usually find myself with mixed emotions and a strained expression. These mixed feelings are like different coloured fireflies in a clear glass jam jar flying around, desperately anticipating a simple pop of the lid. I look back at moments of my life and grit my teeth just thinking "why didn't I say something..." or "maybe if I said that...". But there is no point looking at what 'happened' or 'what was' because I understand that is no longer who I am and I will never be able to change that(until science FINALLY gives us the ability to time travel!) and I need to take these moments as a learning curve.

At times this feels hard to believe, and my life has taken swift turns for the better and worse because of it. I'm trying not to sound over dramatic but I know life's never going to be easy and I'm far from perfection but I hope ten years from now I will be at least content with how far I have progressed and at least grateful for where I am if not half content with my life as it stands then.

Well that's enough shit chat tonight,


SPS

I really like to see when people are happy. Not a forced happy. Not a 'smile for fuck sake I'm trying to take a picture here' happy, a genuine happiness. Its almost like its contagious, when you see it you will know as your face will catch fire and out will shine happiness.

Moving out...
Ive come to notice that 'Moving out' or even planing too isn't easy. Its a big leap from which you could either fly or fall and let society swallow you up in debt and misery. Its come to my attention that my time to 'fly the coop' is fast approaching. Being who I am I'm prone to worrying, and worrying is like an infection that gnaws away at you from the inside. Money, the wheels of this operation are limited but steady. 'Steady' is what I need to focus on as its positive and positive thinking in my eyes needs to be the way forward if I want this operation to be as smooth as jelly. I believe timing is also a big thing to consider I'm not in a good enough situation to just go gun down this road and land in the deep end and drown.On the other hand I don't want to go at a snails pace and lose my place in society and have to run to catch up. Ive done that once in my career im not happy to make the same mistake again. I'm already in my financial state because of my mistake but I believe time is a good healer and is also a source of good knowledge and well-being. A few days ago a good friend of mine raised a proposition and I considered my options before settling on yes. We will split the rent in proportion with how much we are payed, so being the lower paid I would pay less. This raised questions though, for instance I need to sit down and agree(in writing) that we pay a certain amount to cover our backs. Also it begs the question that if I pay less do I get less control of the house, will that come up. This could be 'The' argument that kicks my ass back to square one. Ill need to be prepared, so ill need to study my subject and reflect on possible problems.

As this is my first post on my new blog I wanted to come up with something deeply profound to make people think I was this highly minded being who drinks earl grey and smokes a wooden pipe by the fire in a gold trimmed dressing robe. As I'm not such a person I will instead blabber on about shit. Yep that's me, If you could only smell the amount that I spew from minute to minute I would be vastly popular with pigs and creatures that love to indulge themselves with such a smell. Maybe in the future this will be possible and instead of emails we will send esmell or stinkmail hmmm I will have to get back to you on that one...